![]() But sperm are created in the testicles, so the bigger a man’s testicles, the more fit he is to breed. The penis is just the, um, ‘delivery boy’ as it were. “On a purely academic level, testicles are more important than the penis when it comes to reproduction. So his balls will verrrrrrrrry slowly move up and down and around like the giant lumps in a lava lamp.” Did you know that balls move? Yes, they move in reaction to changes in temperature to keep sperm at just the right temp level. But we have a fireplace in our bedroom, and sometimes when he falls asleep before I do after sex-which is, as all ladies know, EVERY time-I’ll linger down near his crotch area and watch his balls move. “They serve no pleasurable function for me-that is, during sex. “Ewww! No! NO! NOOOO! No balls! Once you’ve seen balls, you can’t unsee them! Even worse, once you’ve smelled them, you can never unsmell them! I hate balls so much, I can’t even watch sports!” Now that you’ve asked, this marks the first time I’ve ever thought about balls while not having sex. When I’m having sex, I try not to think about balls. “When I’m not having sex, I never think of balls. Big balls are gross regardless of penis size.” The bigger they are the grosser, because the more they look like elephants, you know, with the crinkly, rough feeling? It’s more disgusting, so it turns me off the most to see big, gross balls. “Gross! Stinky, hairy ones are gross and smell like piss. As long as they aren’t fully covered in hair, I don’t think I mind.” I enjoy a hefty avocado-sized sack visually, I suppose. For some strange reason, they were considered offensive to the government.Flickr James Lee 1. Of course, once “Sisi’s balls” became popular, police began arresting sellers and confiscated 1,403 pairs of the toy. Apparently, in Egypt, they were called "Sisi's balls", referring to the testicles of the Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi. Unfortunately, for clacker makers, no one was really interested except for children in Egypt in 2017. The jarts were a bit like throwing knives, though, and kids were bound to use them as such sooner or later.īy simply using more durable plastic, clackers could be used without the fear of losing one’s eyesight. Therefore, the clackers went the way of “jarts” also known as lawn darts, which were a fun outdoor game when safety precautions were observed. Just as the clacker fad was losing steam the Consumer Product Safety Commission deemed them a “mechanical hazard.” Parents everywhere rejoiced as they disappeared from the market. His tagline was “because the average kid picks up glass everywhere anyway, so why not package it and give them what they want?” Dangerous Toys?Įgyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi did not find Sisi's balls very funny. ![]() Saturday Night Live found the clacker hand wringing so funny, they wrote a skit with Dan Ackroyd selling a bag of glass. A number of committees and organizations sprang up around the perils of clackers according to an essay by Sarah Slobin at Quartz, paranoia about unsafe toys became a pervasive feature in the childhoods of American Baby Boomers, ultimately sowing the seeds for the helicopter parenting style of today. ![]() The agency also announced they would be testing clackers from more than a dozen companies to determine “velocity and shatter potential before deciding whether to ban the toy.” This ban caught the attention of the Society for the Prevention of Blindness who became champions against the dangers of clackers. 12, 1971, “Citing at least four injuries, the Food and Drug Administration issued a public warning yesterday against the “clacker,” a toy enjoying a popularity surge similar to that of the hula‐hoop in years past.” You know America was in a good place when “at least four injuries” stirred the FDA to issue a national warning on the dangers of a toy. (pinterest)Īs the New York Times reported on Feb. SNL's take on clackers and helicopter parents.
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